I am miserable with my life at this point. I dont know what to do any more, everything that i used to enjoy and made me happy, has no effect anymore. Iapos;ve been doing great at school for the past year. I averaged a 3.8 GPA and liked going to class. But now� i have no will to go anymore, all of my classes suck this semester except for one. Every day i regret ever thinking about going to school, and wondering why i am wasting my money. But at the same time i know i need to go to college if i want to get a decent job, and be able to support my eventual wife and children. I want to be done with school and have that right now. I am always praying for the day when i get married, and start a family with my beautiful bella. Sheapos;s the only reason im going to school right now. Im sick of only seeing her on the weekends, wondering what she does while im not there, if she misses me as much as i miss her. I need to get into the college she is going to, but i have to go through the hell known as pvcc. The teachers and faculty there are so incompitant and dont care about the students. My teachers havent asked once about my slipping grades, seeing what is wrong with my studies. I have to make it in, to be with her. So im not sitting here by myself, all alone everynight. I could start to cry at this point im so frustrated with my life. I thought about cutting myself today. I havent had that feeling in years, and it really scares me. I dont want to be at that point in my life again. I want to smash the glass behind me and let it sink into my skin, to see if i still bleed. I am scared. Scared of whatapos;s happening to me. Something has changed inside of me, and it is eating at what i once was. The only thing still keeping me in reality is my love for her. It keeps me from doing all the bad things in my head. She helped me get through that phase in my life, and i owe it to her never to go back. I love that woman too much to ever, ever hurt her. I need to find a way. I love my fiance too much to risk losing her.
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